Social Tip #173 - Fuck The System

Watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. Everyone on the show is beautiful and talentless, which is a mistake. The motivation is all wrong; if these people actually get better, they can't be on TV anymore.

They should show sex rehab with only ugly people; we would get to watch way seedier moments when they struggle to get their fix.

Social Tip #172 - Be Prepared

Before I get started, I want to point out where the exits are so that when the next terrorist act occurs, I won't have to trip over you on the way out.

-Me at any live performance

Social Tip #171 - No Moleste

Did you hear about that drive-by molestation? It was really touch and go there.

Social Tip #170 - Give A Man A Fish

You can lead a horse to water, but once it's done drinking, it will still piss like a horse.

Social Tip #169 - Don't Ride The C Train

Statistics show that I'm more likely to throw myself in front of a train than die of lung cancer.

Riding the C Train = Gettin' Cancer

Social Tip #168 - Recognize Your Mistakes

Do you ever date someone and they look into your eyes like you are the answer to all of their problems and all you can think is, fuck, I need to stop dating my best friend's little brother?

*Photo by Derek

Social Tip #167 - Be A Good Sport

I watched the World Series, I can't believe major league baseball players have to hi-5 the other team after they lose. They might as well make prosecutors high-5 the the player's defense attorneys after getting them off of rape charges.

Goodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgamegoodgame.